Hi. It's been a while, I know. I have a number of lame excuses, like the fact that our laptop got a virus and then the wifi router failed and then shortly after that the actual router itself failed, and I couldn't even plug in to access the internet. And on Halloween I spent way to long in the Apple store getting a new iPhone while my kids played the Up video game based on the movie while sitting on yoga balls, and since then I've been thinking I really should figure out a way to post to my blog again, but only just tonight did I download the Typepad app for iPhone.
So like I said, lame. What's really been happening is I've been slammed at work, but in a good way. I've been slammed at home, often as a single parent, as my husband has been buried in work up to his eyeballs, and that's not even including the times he's been traveling.
The real problem is I just haven't had anything to say. My life is good, despite a few minor pitfalls here and there. The boys are fine, minus a few meetings with the principal here and there. Since my grandfather died in August, we inherited a little bit of money that we used to soften the edges of our debt load, and give ourselves a little bit of breathing room, and let me just tell you, that doesn't suck. At all.
And now it's the week before Thanksgiving, and I think it's been like 5 weeks since I wrote a post. I've had some ideas, some fleeting thoughts of "I should totally write about that," but I usually just end up putting it on Facebook and calling it good.
I'm hunkering down for winter. I feel pretty good, I'm not depressed, like I usually am this time of year. Last week I had way too many balls in the air, and I dropped a few, but not in the spectacularly epic show of idiocy that I expected of myself. I made it to the other side and now I feel like I can breathe and pull myself together. Maybe it's the upcoming holiday weekend, and I know I can relax for a few days. Maybe it's that I know I can make the magic happen regardless of my own mistakes. I kind of feel like Courtney Love sometimes, like the world is waiting for me to fuck up big time and they totally have their cameras ready, but I showed up in decent hair and makeup without my underwear showing and only a little drunk instead of a lot high, and now nobody knows what to do with me. I barely know what to do with myself.
It's all going to be okay. I don't know why. I don't really care why. I have walked away from my cave, and I don't want to go back. There is nothing for me there but darkness and fear and insecurity, and I am tired of that place. I know the green valley is ahead of me, that my people are out there somewhere, and I am not afraid of that journey anymore.
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...
Oh wait. That's a different story.