We're not in Kansas Anymore, Toto.

Take me out to the ballgame.

Having grown up in Kansas City, I have always been a Royals fan.  Oh sure, I've lived in other cities with decent baseball teams, like the Pittsburgh Pirates, and Texas Rangers - I was living in Ft Worth when Nolan Ryan pitched his infamous no-hitter.  I was also living there when the players went on strike and there was virtually no baseball season, at all.  I'm not sure the MLB has ever recovered to it's former glory before that nightmare.

Anyway, The Royals have always been my home team.  When I was a kid, it was Frank White, and Dennis Leonard, and Dan Quisenberry, and ohhhh, George Brett.  Every little girl in town, and some not-so-little-ones had a giant crush on George Brett.  He was KC's most eligible bachelor for many years.  It was heady times. It was the 1985 World Series win, pitched by Donald Duck himself Brett Saberhagen.  (Whose kids I babysat for a time or two, he lived near my parents.)  The man was 21 years old when he pitched and won the World Series, I can't imagine the pressure.  Or the millions.

I loved going to the baseball game when I was a kid.  It was as magical as all the books meant for little boys you ever would have read had you believe, and even I knew it - Little Miss Total Lack of Athleticism that I was.

Of course, it all went to shit after that, but I didn't care anymore because I wasn't living in KC then. But, its starting to get better, I hear.

This Sunday afternoon, for Drew's eighth birthday, my husband and I are taking a gaggle of little boys to their first Royals game.  We will sit in the cheap seats.  We will eat hotdogs, and peanuts, and popcorn, and drink Cokes (and some of us, shitty beer.)  We will hunt down and cheer for the Royals Mascot, Sluggrr . We will fry our asses off in the 95 degree sun.  And we will watch The Royals play baseball.  Against the Yankees.

Please don't suck, Royals.

Bullets.

• I had a wonderful dinner with my friend The Old Christine last night, wherein we ate French food on the sidewalk in Prairie Village and talked about all the things and people that drive us crazy.
• Drew started running a fever last night after contaminating her house, which I know because I decided to check it after he started mumbling some hallucinatory gobbely-gook while he was brushing his teeth before bed. 101.4! Score! (Sorry Christine.) He was also complaining that his neck hurt and he spent a lot of time looking down. Red Flag, ye are a wavin'.
• So this morning I took him into the walk-in clinic at the Pediatrician's office. He does not have strep, thank the Lord. He just has some kind of virus. He moves at half speed, which for most kids, is regular  speed.
• His little brother is angry and bitter that Drew is spending the day at Grandma's house, laying on the couch and watching TV, while he goes to day camp. Will is probably right now concocting some sort of ailment in order to get back at us all for tomorrow.
• I am not going to BlogHer. I am disappointed. I had to chose between BlogHer conference and my friend's wedding in Toronto in August, and I chose the wedding. (Better be a damn good party, Jen, is all I'm sayin'.)
  
• I do want to read tweets and posts and pictures posted of the hotel parties and awesome blogger run-ins, and the wine and chocolate pouring from chandeliers and so forth, and maybe some learnin' going on.  I want to live vicariously.
• I kind of want to go snuggle with my little fire baby up on the couch and take a nap, but we don't fit together as well as we used to, now that he will be EIGHT YEARS OLD in 11 days. That may be the most depressing thing of all.

Tales from IM: Priorities, Priorities, Priorities.

Cadykansas: if you doubt how crazy the leawood apple store will be tomorrow, summize "leawood"

T: k...

T: u want to see something big... summize iPhone, then wait to see how many "updates" pop up at the top of the screen in less than a minute.  It is crazy

Cadykansas: i mean just about that store opening

T: y i know

T: that same email went out to everyone in the KC metro who has an itunes account

Cadykansas: they know what they're doing

T: thats like, ummmm their entire addressable market

Cadykansas: you should be keep track of this stuff

T: y

T: random question

T: u talked with L lately?

Cadykansas: a few weeks ago she im'd me

Cadykansas: thing's seem to be fine

Cadykansas: y?

T: k

T: just wondering... if they would move back to KC if the stars were aligned and all

Cadykansas: over her dead body I think

T: really...

Cadykansas: she has no fam here anymore

T: well ok then

T: oh

Cadykansas: and she pretty much told him when they went out there this was the last move

Cadykansas: and his fam makes her have to load up on pscripts

T: lol

T: I may have to get up earlier than I thought to get a phone

Cadykansas: *eyeroll*

T: first 1000 people get a T-shirt--- woo hoo!

T: google image search Tokyo  iPhone it's crazy how many peeps are in line there

Cadykansas: I don't know, but we are leaving for the lake around 5:30 with or without you.

Cadykansas: so hope you get in by then.

T: y i know

Cadykansas: your iPhone craving does not supercede my relax on the dock with a drink craving. sorry.

T: wtfe

T: listen what ru doing with Max

T: helloooo?

Cadykansas:Sydney's Price Gouge - I mean Pet Spa

T: what they charge per day?  $ARM ?

Cadykansas: +Leg

T: 35?

Cadykansas: uhhhh

Cadykansas: one moment please

Cadykansas: no

Cadykansas: 22

T: oh thats not bad... 85 for a trim is bad

Cadykansas: that was not a trim

Cadykansas: it was a full boat shave, incl tip

T: oh, yeah, right,... sorry.  A shave. right.

Cadykansas: W

Cadykansas: you're the one who demanded a poodle for a dog

How to survive your 4th of July vacation.

Chapter One: Don't take one.

Moving On.

I don't know if you can tell, but that is not a river.  That is a flood plain, flooded to the max, very near the Mississippi River.  We saw a lot of this.

Seriously, I guess the only amazing thing about our quick and dirty trip to inner depths of the state of Alabama is that nothing really eventful happened.  Nobody puked in the car on the 12 hour ride down or back, not even the dog.  No one blew off part of their body playing with fireworks, although the dog did have to tolerate little boys throwing those little pop rock things at him to try and get a reaction.  They were frustratedly not successful as he was too busy panting his little tongue off laying at my feet. (My Uncle-In-Law: "What, is that dog on Quaaludes or something? Dang."

It was also quite amazing that apparently it was actually hotter in Kansas while we were gone than it was in Alabama.  Not more humid, but hotter.  It doesn't get anymore humid than Birmingham, Alabama in July.  And don't say Florida does! Because Florida has a beach and that's where normal people go on vacations, and I don't want to hear about it.

These are flowers from my MIL's garden, that my SIL planted for her which got her some kind of fabulous gardens of Birmingham garden tour award or something. Am jeluz of my SIL's mad gardening skills, but I guess she deserves it since she actually studied and took a test and earned a Master Gardener status, like, God. Over-achieve much? (I already said I'm jealous.)

Southern flower garden, with poodle.  Watch out for the bees, poodle!

Also to be found in Birmingham, is a life size chess game.  My 9 year old nephew totally schooled me on the rules of chess.  Me: Wait, what is that a rook? No, the knight! He moves diagonally, right? What's the horse guy called? Geez it's been a long freakin' time since I played chess. (That's me and my fat leg trying to escape the picture.)

Max would like you to know he's been very, very fucking patient with those kids dropping toys and food on him for the last 12 hours, and when are we going to be home so he can sleep in peace? *Yawn*


Will falls asleep just as we reach the outskirts of Kansas City. Perfect.

Shopping without hurting your feet - Wishpot.com

Check it - new post up at We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto reviews - Shopping, blogging, and social networking for moms over at Wishpot.com. 

Katie, bar the door. *

Lately, I've been looking for ways I can energize my writing habits, and stimulate my work habits into better production at the same time.  It's a little quiet around the office, and I've had a lot of trouble focusing - when the economy goes as far south as it has, my job gets very complicated and not really very much fun.  I have been blogging about careers and resumes and so forth on a blog for my company, but I've been really struggling with topics there lately.  So, I guess in an effort to give myself an avenue to write more, I've started guest posting in a couple of other places. 

Rita from Surrender, Dorothy has a new gig as the Kansas City blogger over at BeingSavvy.  She invited me to guest-post and I'm excited to have taken her up on it.  Today I guest-posted about taking your grass clippings to drop off at stables and feed the horses instead of putting them at the curb for trash pick-up.  Of course, someone instantly had something to say about that being a bad idea, go figure.  I've also posted some articles over at WorkitMom!, and hopefully will be able to make something happen with the folks over at Wishpot (go Jessica!)  If you don't know any of these sites, I fully recommend you take a looksee, I like them all.

So, all this extra writing will hopefully lead to something more interesting for me, too.  I'm feeling a little stagnant at work, summer has really gone to my head, so I'm hoping the extra stimulation will get me back on track.  We work better when we're busier, right?

Right?

* a southern phrase which means trouble is afoot.  See here if you've never heard the phrase.

Qu'elle surprise.

Thanks to Surrender Dorothy and Average Jane for a little mid-afternoon fucking around opportunity.

Created by OnePlusYou

This should surprise exactly no one who's ever read to the bottom of my 100 Things about me list.

Proof is in the pictures.

This is my sideyard before:

I know, right?  totally ugly, foundation concrete and weird fireplace box sticking out.  Yuck.  We know there was enough room to make a daylight basement here, the builder just didn't to save money (house was a spec, not sold before build out...)  Eventually we may add daylight windows if we finish the basement.

Anyway.  Moving On!

And now. Yes, I rock, I know. Literally. Its better - you can still see the foundation and all, but the garden and wall distracts the eye, at least.

(Too be fair, the first pic was taken before spring had kicked in so things look much less lushy than now, with all the rain)
I'm rather proud of myself.  In other news, Look!  A poodle, playing in an unfenced yard, without a leash!

A rather tired poodle, I might add, since I'd been throwing the tennis ball in the 80% humidity until he couldn't run anymore and just laid down.  He's such a wuss.  Anyway, POINT IS, he hung out with us in the yard, and didn't bolt.  I'm a big proponent of remote control shock collars now, people.  I have the dog I wanted - one who obeys.  Its wonderful.  By the way, Max had his one year Vet check up while I was off last week.  He weighs 65 lbs.  He was supposed to be no more than 55lbs.  Oops.  Monster Poodle!

Also, the tennis ball throwing?  If you don't have one of these, you are totally working too hard. Genius.

And finally:

Drew and Will saying cheese from World's of Fun/Camp Snoopy.  This picture snapped shortly before daddy (behind them) was asked to exit the ride. "You're supposed to have a child riding with you, sir."  That's right, my husband got kicked off a kiddie coaster.  He rawks.

(Company employee day at WoF, everyone had matching corporate logo shirts, if you're wondering why everyone is yellow.  The logo itself I will not show you.  Remember, I toljoo no blogging about new job.  Am a good girl.)

Anyway, I tend to dress my kids alike when we venture out into such a sea of humanity, because it makes them easier to spot and also if I lose one, I can show the police "he looks just like this one right here!"  But as I knew everyone in the entire company got a yellow t-shirt, which did sort of make me hyperventilate, I made them wear red hats for higher visibility.  I also quizzed them on my cellphone number the entire walk into the park from the car.  Am a spaz, I'm aware.  But, its happened before, It could happen again.

Its been...one week since you looked at me.

Yes, I am still alive.  Better, in fact, than when you last heard from me, which is a bonus, for all of us.  I took a week of vacation, and finished a couple of small projects.  And by small, I mean a landscaping project which involved 950 lbs. of Kansas limestone, 800 lbs. of topsoil, and a bunch of new plants.  No, I did not have any of that stuff delivered, I loaded it into my minivan and unloaded it at the house using the wheelbarrow and umpteen trips down the hill. Yes, I built a raised flower bed against the side of my house, by myself.  Yes, I'm crazy.  But I got my rocking yoga arms back, in a mere three days.  Advil is my friend.

I also finished building, staining and gluing the lego table that I built for the boys.  And I painted some cubbies I had in storage and put them in the laundry room to help control the chaos of  50 pairs of little boy's flip flops from Old Navy.  I also did a crapload of laundry, cooked several meals, and we made it to the pool every day for swimming lessons and general water play. 

I did not, as you may have noticed, blog much.  I tweeted here and there, from the Treo, whenever the urge struck me.  But since I fell into bed every single night exhausted, sunburned and sore, I didn't leave time for blogging.  We also had the unfortunate problem of some sort of cable outage which struck on Wednesday, so I couldn't get a decent wifi signal to the laptop, and see above re: too exhausted to sit at the PC rather than the comfort of my bed. 

I didn't read your blogs much either, as I had 170 new posts in my google reader earlier this evening when the cable finally kicked back in and I dragged the laptop with me to bed.  I got through most of them, in the reader, mostly skimming and not taking the time to comment, I am sorry. 

By the way, the reason the cable was out was not actually because of the storms on Tuesday, as I had suspected.  No, dear husband figured out today that someone had flipped the light switch in the basement that the cable amplifier is hooked into.  This happens to be the same switch, you may recall, that powers our chest freezer.  Yes, once again, I have a freezer full of bad food going out with the trash this week.  After we argued about which one of us flipped the switch, we figured out it was actually Drew, because we had sent him down to turn off the lights in the basement, which he dutifully did.  Oops.  Go figure. 

Yesterday we took the boys to Worlds of Fun for the day. Pictures of that coming soon. 

So, once I get the proof pictures of the camera of the flower bed, the lego table and the rest, I'll post them here.

Whew.  Tomorrow to go back to work.  I haven't yet decided if I've missed it. Stay tuned.

How to remind yourself you are a WOMAN.

Dear Dad, this is not a post for you.  Please go here instead  Love, Jen)

Ever have that feeling that you've forgotten what it's like to be a woman?  That frumpy, blahs feeling, like you haven't bothered to shave your legs for a while, or wear high heels, or put on lipstick other than Chapstick?  Need a good, solid reminder that you are, indeed, a W-O-M-A-N?

Have I got a plan for you.

Without thinking things through well, schedule the following during the week you are pre-menstrual:

1. A week of vacation to stay home with your kids - so that they can drive you crazy an extra eight hours a day, when you have less ability to cope emotionally than normal.
2. A mammogram - when your boobs are good and swollen and sore
3. A bikini wax - when your skin is the most sensitive it could possibly be than at any other time within a month.  So sensitive, in fact, that much of the entire top layer of skin rips off right along with the wax and hair. 

Hey, I didn't say it was a good way to remind yourself you are a woman.  I just said it's a REMINDER.

I'm here to help.