To Jillian, on my 37th birthday.

So I started the 30 Day Shred on Monday, spurred on by the fact that spring is coming and I can't fit into any of my summer clothes, and that other bloggers are doing it. I didn't join Kristen's little party, though, because I have a strict rule of self-esteem I like to call "you can't be a quitter if you don't join", and I really don't like to fail on that personal of a level.  But considering this is the first time I've ever bought a workout video, I do have some determination.  I just like to have an escape clause.

I didn't have any hand weights though, and I like to give myself extra time when learning an exercise routine, because seriously, I am a klutz, and the whole bending your knees while doing arm curls is a challenge for me. No, I am not kidding. Do you stand up when your arms are down, or bend down when your arms are up? This takes me a few extra moves than your average ballet dancer.  Anyway, so on Monday I went through level 1 without any hand weights.  It's not too bad, really, and yeah, 20 minutes! I can totally do that!  I have only one issue at this point - I can't do jumping jacks very well, because of an old, chronic knee injury.  Yes, I know you  "have 400 lb. people who can do jumping jacks" but I'd like to get through this without adding to the arthritis I already have, fuck you very much, and my knee REALLY doesn't like to go out to the side and then have weight slammed on it, so shut up. Jumping jacks are hard on my knee, I have to work on a fix for that.

Tuesday I still hadn't had time to get to Wal*Mart and buy hand weights, so I pulled a couple of cans of refried beans out of the pantry.  One pound would have to do.  And it was definitely harder.  My arms felt it, and my calves are like jello when I try and walk downstairs - which, unfortunately, I do a lot.  But progress!  I can feel it!  I'm still with you.

Yesterday I did make it to Wal*Mart, and I bought 2lb weights and 3lb weights.  I was feeling confident.  I also bought tampons, wine, and 12 Cadbury Creme Eggs.  Dude running the register never made eye contact.

This morning I woke up late, I am cramping like a mother, and the dog puked allover the kitchen. I got the kids on the bus, barely, and all morning I can hear this refrain in my head of my high school gym teacher who looked like the guy who played Trapper John from Trapper John, MD: "Exercise is the best fix for cramps!" and I totally want to find him and strangle him, except I'm pretty sure he's in a nursing home or something at this point.

So yeah, it's my 37th birthday, I have some nasty cramps and my knee hurts. I'm not doing your damn 20 minute routine today.  I am gonna go through some yoga stretches though, and maybe try some chest flies with my new weights.  And then I'm going to go sit in the bath tub for a while, and then get a Grande non-fat peppermint mocha with a shitload of whipped cream on the top. And this afternoon I'm going to have a martini. Or two.  So suck it, Jillian. 

See you tomorrow.

PS - Title reference here, where I first decided Claire Danes would be someone to watch as an actress, post-My So Called Life.

Comments

[Average Jane]

First of all, Happy Birthday!

I, too, have the 30-Day Shred video. Like the blog trend follower I am, I bought it the when people first started blogging about it a few months ago. It's sitting right by my TV. After a couple of months, I finally took the cellophane off. I'm thinking I only need a couple more months before I'm ready to put it in the DVD player.

Then again, I am having trouble fitting into any of my clothes, so maybe I could start tomorrow morning...

[Christine]

Happy birthday! And my favorite by far was this:

"Yesterday I did make it to Wal*Mart, and I bought 2lb weights and 3lb weights. I was feeling confident. I also bought tampons, wine, and 12 Cadbury Creme Eggs. Dude running the register never made eye contact."

I snorted my coffee up my nose. I heart you, you know that?

[Jenny]

If I've made you smile, then my day is complete. The coffee thru the nose was not intentional. :)

[cagey]

Happy Birthday! I bought a pregnancy yoga DVD that never made it out of the box despite the fact that I managed to birth two babies (insert your own dirty joke right HERE) . Yeah, not buying the 30 Day Shred. Literally.

[Rita's Huz]

Happy Birthday! 37 is the new 21, right? (he says as he stares at the calendar, doing some quick math and realizing this year is number 36) Hope you had a good one! There is also no reason it has to end in just one day - I've been known to have a two day run-up and a couple of transitional days following.

Keep shredding.

(PS: I've had to change practically my entire view on diet and workouts (see: Devil's work) since a certain doctor visit last summer, but that didn't stop me from buying $20 worth of comfort food from the valentine isle at CVS an hour after my "guy surgery" a month ago! I had no idea Toblerone came in individual sized packages... habits.

[Jenny]

*sings* It's my DVD in a box...

[Jenny]

yeah, I really thought it was just 36, seriously, until my husband reminded me that 2009-1972 is 37. Thanks honey. I don't know how I got off track.

[KRS]

I am so quoting you...

[clickmom]

Happy Birthday! I dig the creme eggs too but what really gets to me this time of year are the peeps. I do them in classic yellow (because the other colors taste much more chemically than the yellows) and have yet to survive a single spring of my life without a peep day of indulgence or 2 (5).

I'd be totally suckered into the shred if I didn't already have a pile of stuff beginning with working out to the oldies (I had insomnia! There was an infomercial!) and going straight through to tae bo all of which I never got past the introductions to. I'm just not an exercise by video girl.