Be sure the pot is big enough.

 

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine posted this recipe on Facebook. It is, of course, hilarious. We think it’s from a military cookbook, something where feeding a lot of people and having a recipe like this wouldn’t really stand out. But for most of us, it stands out as not just hilarious but ridiculous. The kind of thing you would see on one of those slapstick comedy TV shows of the 70s and 80s with Carol Burnett and Tim Conway, or maybe an old episode of I Love Lucy. 

But this is 2020, and we have elevated the ridiculous to the sublime. 

And the more I look at this recipe, the more I realize, this is the metaphor. This is the exact metaphor I’ve been looking for to describe my job, a teacher in the American education system in this, the year of the Covid-19. 

We have been asked to cook an entire camel, with an entire lamb, 20 chickens, 60 eggs and 110 gallons of water, in a pot that is not large enough. It needs to feed a bunch of people, and it needs to feed them well. There is a recipe. There is an idea of a plan. And there are ingredients. It should be okay, right?

The problem is, when you cook something in a pot that isn’t large enough, not everything gets mixed together correctly. There might be too much pepper over on this side, or too many eggs over here, or the chickens in this corner might not be cooked all the way through, so some people might get sick, who knows? You do the best you can, with what you have. 

Be sure your pot is big enough. FOR A CAMEL. Or, teaching remotely to students too traumatized to care. Or teaching in person, wearing a mask and standing behind plexiglass, while other students are on a computer from home at the same time. Make sure you are prepared to deal with your own mental and physical health at the same time, plus that of your own family, friends, and students and their families. Be sure you are teaching through the syllabus at the same expected pace as a normal year, regardless of whether anyone is keeping up. Be sure you communicate with parents in 6 different ways so that if they can’t figure out how to get their kids online and into your classes it won’t be your fault, but it won’t be theirs either. Don’t drink too much wine, get some exercise, eat right. Brush your teeth. Maybe take a shower. 

Be sure your pot is big enough. 

Nobody has a pot that big, I assure you.